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1. If you want to live in this country, Matthew, we’re going to need to see your man boobs. Both of them. Strip now.
Shelley Cowart / Shelley Cowart/London Ent/Splash
2. Justin, I’m sorry but the rules state that all liberal people with Western values must be between 75-85% naked at the beach. Take it off. All of it. I don’t care if it’s dangerous while you’re riding the jet-ski.
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3. This is a vile affront to everything we stand for. Reveal your body to the beachgoers, David, before we make you do it.
Akm Images / AKM IMAGES / Splash News
4. STRIP HIM. STRIP HIM. STRIP HIM.
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5. Get that pasty belly out this instant, Jenson Button. It’s the secular thing to do.
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6. We’re officials from the Liberal Western Manboob Liberation Front (LWMLF), David. We’re going to need you to remove that wetsuit and show us your nipples now.
Jan Knapik / Jan Knapik / Splash News
7. Strip him bare and parade him across the beach as a bastion of all that is free and liberal.
Thomas Hinton / Thomas Hinton / Splash News
8. Can somebody please fetch three heavily armed women to stand around David and force him to change into a Speedo? Soz, but them’s the rules.
George Bamby / George Bamby / Splash News
9. Sir, we’re going to need you to strip so we can all gaze upon your flesh. Don’t be afraid! Freedom can be humiliating and scary at first, but you’ll soon learn to love it.
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10. Moobs out! Moobs out! Moobs out!
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11. This wouldn’t be a Western liberal democracy if we didn’t force you to take off that oppressive swimwear and set your thigh hair free, Luke.
Akm-gsi / AKM-GSI / Splash News
12. Security! Someone fetch security! We have a man in shocking breach of manboob liberation.
Akm Images / AKM IMAGES / Splash News
13. You think you have free will, Jason, but you’re oppressed by the tyranny of your wetsuit. We’re here to liberate you, Jason.
Jd / JD / Reefshots / Splash News
Liberate you with our strict laws enforcing a carefree liberal Western lifestyle with plenty of free-flying manboob.
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